last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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