Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
