The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
