Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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