pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
