Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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