im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
