Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Duck Duck Cougar?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
