I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
