Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
