If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
