that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He better not be in your backpack
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
