from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
