When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
