So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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