Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
