How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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