You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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