I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
