Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
