just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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