where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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