i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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