i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
