thus making me awesome and them whores
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
