Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
