We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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