im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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