even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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