Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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