yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
