I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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