i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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