The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
