You're a womanizer and a bitch.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
