her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
