u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
