I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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