I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
