tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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