i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He passed out mid-signature
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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