He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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