its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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