He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
