i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
