I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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