The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
