It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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