she was so not down for the gang bang
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
