You're so nebulous sometimes
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
