So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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